Pep Guardiola ‘in danger’ of becoming both Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger
Now you might think that Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger are quite different, but that’s to misunderstand Pep Guardiola.
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Rashford U-turn confirmed after Amorim somehow receives ‘pointed message’ from ‘toxic’ star
Barcelona weren’t ‘remotely interested’ in ‘toxic’ Marcus Rashford, but a ‘subtle dig’ at Manchester United and a ‘pointed message’ to Ruben Amorim later…
Can we not make a ‘cheeky’ hero out of this Liverpool fan please?
Screaming obscenities until an emotional football manager loses his temper does not a Liverpool hero make. Or at least it shouldn’t.
Man Utd suffer ‘more embarrassment’ as Amorim ‘impacted’ and ‘cash windfall’ imminent
It’s a rollercoaster of emotions for Manchester United fans today with ‘music to their ears’ here and ‘more embarrassment’ there.
Why Liverpool have ‘different valuation’ for two £100m players
Liverpool have just broken the British transfer record for an ‘£86m player’ but have their own ideas about Carlos Baleba and Michael Olise.
Man Utd make Ruben Amorim ‘sack decision’ amid ultimatums and verdicts
Have Manchester United make a sack ‘decision’? No. Has Ruben Amorim issued an ‘ultimatum’? Also no.
Liverpool propaganda army lauds £225m ‘Moneyball’ double signing
Moneyball is not spending £225m on two of the biggest names in world football, no matter what the Liverpool propagandists tell you…
‘Jude Bellingham facing brutal England snub’ by ‘star-shunning’ Thomas Tuchel
The Daily Mail take aim at Jude Bellingham once again and pretend that Thomas Tuchel has not called up Marcus Rashford and Jordan Henderson.
England win ‘overshadowed’ – but not by ‘the intimidatory ego’ of perennial headliner Bellingham
Jude Bellingham has not kicked a ball since early July but the best and biggest England win of the Thomas Tuchel era must be about his ‘intimidatory ego’.
Jude Bellingham destroyed twice by Daily Mail even though ‘elephant’ is injured
It’s not like the Daily Mail to kick a young man when he’s down; it’s his fault that England are rubbish even in his absence.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek? England should have called up a child instead…
We all laughed at the England call-up for Ruben Loftus-Cheek, but is a 15-year-old really the best alternative?
Benjamin Sesko mask slips as Kobbie Mainoo move ‘personally blocked’
‘There is still plenty going on at Old Trafford’ apparently, and that includes the Manchester United news that big Benjamin Sesko has shown his ‘true colours’.
Man Utd transfer error revealed and Liverpool miss out on deadline-day signing
Manchester United’s problems could all have been solved by simply signing England’s two best players a couple of years ago. Easy game in hindsight.
Man Utd face worrying new goalkeeper ‘alarm’ as Alexander Isak ‘concerns raised’
Manchester United fans are absolutely TERRIFIED at the sight of their new goalkeeper Senne Lammens. No, really.
How Alexander Isak tried and miserably failed to sabotage Newcastle’s Champions League bid
Alexander Isak tried to sabotage Newcastle by scoring important goals before showing players ‘have the power to move where they want when they want’.
Making Alexander Isak to Liverpool ‘simple for simpletons’ with Luke Edwards
Nobody really cares or remembers if you are wrong about transfers. Unless, and this caveat is crucial, you are an absolute dick about it.
Amorim sack clear as ‘eerily similar’ Ten Hag trend spotted and ‘escape route’ emerges
Ruben Amorim has repeated an unforgivable Erik Ten Hag move at Manchester United, while a surprise favourite emerges to replace him.
Ruben Amorim sack decision explained by what he told Man Utd players at Grimsby
Manchester United decided not to sack Ruben Amorim…in May. So that’s one sack decision. But then he did that thing at Grimsby.
Kobbie Mainoo to Real Madrid? How very convenient…
Kobbie Mainoo’s agent briefed that his client was interested in Champions League football, and just a few hours later Real Madrid were interested. Shocker.
Worst idea ever? Newcastle urged to ‘get in touch with Liverpool’ about Isak
“Hello, is that Liverpool? We’re just calling to say that we want to negotiate on the Alexander Isak fee…”
Three Alexander Isak ‘bombshells’ amid Arne Slot ‘green light’
It’s still all about Alexander Isak and there have been ‘bombshells’ aplenty after words from both Arne Slot and Eddie Howe.
‘Arsenal can hijack Alexander Isak to Liverpool transfer’, it says here
When Alexander Isak is trending and you’re not based in Liverpool or Newcastle, just make up some nonsense…
Isak bombshell statement prompts outbreak of headline accuracy as Salah ‘replaced’
Legitimately excitable responses to Alexander Isak’s statement and the fallout from it understandably dominate the headlines.
Will Newcastle be blacklisted by agents in ‘transfer backlash’ after ‘ludicrous’ demands to Liverpool over Isak?
Will Newcastle face a ‘transfer backlash’ over Alexander Isak? Big players just ‘want assurances’ they can go when the time is right – like a release clause.
Arsenal ’emotional reaction’ spotted as football broke out at Old Trafford
Arsenal won at Manchester United and there were ’emotional reactions’ all over the shop, not most from Declan Rice.
Newcastle make ’emergency Alexander Isak decision’ as Liverpool nonsense spreads
Nothing has actually changed in the Alexander Isak to Liverpool saga but don’t let that stop anybody trumpeting ‘decisions’ and ‘twists’.
Everything is brilliant at Newcastle actually! My captors are treating me well…
You might think that Newcastle have had a ‘mare this summer but it turns out that everything is brilliant actually. Phew.
New Alexander Isak transfer timeline hint dropped as Man Utd land ‘glamour’ cup tie
Premier League football will be back soon, and hopefully we can all just stop making things up about transfers and cup draws.
Isak would only be ‘fraud’, ‘mercenary’ and ‘unprofessional’ if he went on strike to leave Liverpool
Newcastle star Alexander Isak simply ‘wants a move to another club’. But if he was leaving Liverpool he would be a ‘fraud’, ‘mercenary’ and ‘out of order’.
Spurs to offer £125m and ‘surely get the deal done’ for Alexander Isak
Alexander Isak might not be joining Liverpool but Spurs could ‘surely get the deal done’ as part of their £350m summer spend.
Manchester United ‘rebuilt’ by ‘mastermind’ Ratcliffe as ‘minuscule’ Arsenal transfers slammed
Manchester United are back. Sir Jim Ratcliffe has ‘masterminded’ a big spend, ‘rebuilt’ everything and even won the Alejandro Garnacho transfer situation.
Arteta suffers ‘bad news’ as high-flying Sesko bears fruit and Harvey Elliott bids farewell
You can tell we’re well into August now, with the usual summer transfer tish and fipsy forced into a fight for space with predicted Premier League tables.
Man United and Liverpool in transfer crisis amid bidding wars and scuppered double deals
Mediawatch is losing patience and eagerly awaits the return of actual Premier League football to drown out some of this utter pish.